Chchchchanges

Well, have done about 35km since last Saturday. Hills, no hills. Company, solo. Let my brain talk me out of a bushwalk which I will be doing this Sunday, no excuses. The one thing they all have in common is that it feels like I am struggling with it this week. Each kilometre is being mentally hard earned.

The difference though is that I am doing it. Not procrastinating. Not making excuses. Just doing it. I am hoping that my body rhythm takes over again and makes it a necessary movement instead of me fighting myself to do it.

In the end though, it has to be done to create the better me that I am wanting...and by that I mean a more healthy, stronger, and fitter me. I may just decide to stay crazy. :)

Anyway, planning tomorrow's walk. 7.5km or about 9km. Haven't decided yet.

Saturdays the good way

Well I did it. I text a friend yesterday to see if she was up for a walk this morning. She was. Surprised her with the let's get an early start. That is not normal for me. I am usually the one that kicks and screams to be gotten out of bed early and I started with a pre-walk 2.5km to her place too. Today's calculated total was 8.2km. There was also 1 1/2 hours of wandering around a suburban markets to add to it. Good start on the next phase of my journey. Yay.

Must keep the mental side of it up as ended up feeling a little blue tonight and that's when I have a tendency to give it all in. This is me changing that. Another good walk lined up for tomorrow too. 

Until then...

It's been a while...

Well, it's been a while. Life, loss, anxiety, job and an inability to move forward all got in my way. Time to start the next chapter. 

As of today I am at a weight of 106.7kg with nearly no exercise done since January...well nearly none anyway. Time to get of my fat, depressed butt and find that motivation that I had last year. I have very clearly defined goals and a wish to achieve them. There is no magic fairy out there that will wave a wand and make it happen. Only I can make it happen. So here I am again, putting it out there for criticism and critique and making myself publicly accountable for any action or non-action I take.

I am going to try to post weekly on my progress - or lack thereof if I have been making excuses again - and maybe, just maybe see those numbers start to go back down again.

Wish me luck! :-)

Isn't it funny...

...how even the littlest change can make an amazing difference. I have had a 4 week break from exercising - mostly my nightly walk home from work - initially due to a bad back and then last week because I was feeling down. I started walking again yesterday as I don't ever want to get back out of the habit...and I was in a bad mood from work...and wella, by the time I finished the walk I felt so much better. Obviously the endorphins kicked in. I have never really noticed, or appreciated, before the difference this makes to the inner me and how much it can be a motivator to keep going. 

Back into the old/new habits and on day two, doing just fine. My body can tell the difference between what I have been eating for the last 4 weeks and back to healthy choices and in the kitchen. Still not quite where I was but am cutting out the junk food and eating more vegetables again. Just cooking, getting back into that routine. 


I think this will be called the second phase of my lifestyle change. Partially because I have been off the change for a month and partially because it will help as a mental spur to get me to my true first goal. I haven't been far off it for nearly 2 months now and I think may have gone backwards a little due to that mental block I have about this particular goal. I will break that block. It is important.


Have you ever noticed how one block, no matter how small, can be seemingly insurmountable? It is time to take this block...and to me it has been a huge block...and smash it to pieces. 


Breaking the block ideas.


1.  Back to logging my dietary intake again.
2.  Back to logging my exercise again.
3.  Back to blogging and discussing it with the 2 people I value the most through this process - my two closest friends: one with whom we are partaking this journey together and the other who is very healthy in mind and body and is happy for me to bounce my discoveries off and offers sage advice.
4.  Back to not beating myself over the head for not being great but trying to do the best by myself on a daily basis.
5.  Back to trying to be as organised as possible.


Hopefully, soon, I shall have big news and have broken through to my first goal. I will keep you posted.

Motivation

Have  discovered a seriously lack of motivation over the last couple of weeks. I can give you excuses for all of my bad habits rearing their ugly heads but one of the things I am trying to learn not to do is to use excuses any more. They are just a cop-out and not an answer. My question is how do I find the motivation again. Have started to get back on track a little but nowhere near enough to really start my regime again. 

How do you stop old emotionally charged eating habits but still, at the end of the day, get out of the blues? How do you motivate yourself for exercising again when you have been in pain for weeks? These are things that need to be learned. These make up the basis for the motivation. If I can learn at least this then I have a starting point. 

My solution is to just go at it one day at a time at this point. Meaning that I will not beat myself up if one my new day one that I break out. I will try the next day not to break and so on and so forth. Exercise, I am finding is a little harder to get back on board. I seem to be very discouraged at the moment and just want to find solace hiding in my bedroom so I am aiming to get home from work quickly, meaning a bus journey and not my walking. I do know this is silly by the way. I love my time walking. I feel so much calmer and happier within myself. So, why do I fight it? Why don't I want to? Is it true subconscious self-sabotage? I truly don't know. All I can do is try to get back into the right headspace.

I am looking at other blogs and trying to see how others get back their motivation when having that fall off but it's a little hard to find that completely honest truth.

Anyway, just one note and no self pity. Time to refind motivation and get back on track!

A first

I have just finished putting together my first ever eating plan for the week. I have amalgamated foods from the diets I have been looking at and have worked it into what is becoming a busy week with not much cooking time. I have even added a planned "whatever" night as I have friends over pretty much from the moment I get home from work until very late so if it ends up being fish and chips and then so be it...and that is what is at the bottom of any healthy lifestyle.

Don't give up on everything. If you know in advance you are going to have one of those days then figure it in to your routine. That way there is less room for a true blow out and you don't feel bad at the end of the day because you've allowed for it. Even if it wasn't allowed for, never beat yourself up over it. Just don't think to yourself "Oh well, I've blown it now. I may as well not continue." That is not the way to look at it. I can honestly say that I have pretty much eaten takeaway for the last 3 weeks as things have been a little hectic and I haven't been shopping. Not really much of an excuse. I could have made the time, but didn't. I have made up for it with exercise though as I think I have not walked for only 2 days in that 3 weeks. That is why I am trying to write my own plan - to work it more into my lifestyle instead of my lifestyle working around the food. After all, isn't it a compromise between yourself of old and the self you want to be?

I am excited about trying things my way this week. It's an experiment in figuring out what works best for me. I do know that left to my own devices I eat atrociously, like the last 3 weeks. I am learning that I am better with a plan at this point. When this lifestyle change becomes second nature then I may not have to write a plan but for the meantime it means taking that little extra time each week to make it work for me. Each change in lifestyle is a change for the better after all.

Yesterday I was trying to find a photo of me now to show some of the differences of the past 3 months. I realised that I have become a little photo shy lately but have found one of my face in which the differences are definitely noticeable so here it is.

Don't ever forget that every step is a step forward...even going backwards is a step forward as you learn from your mistakes and the healthier you get the more you notice the backwards steps and try to stop them from happening.

First blog here goes.

This journey is a very long time in coming. I have been very overweight since I was 21. I am 40 now. I have hidden behind this weight and have used it as an excuse for everything you can think of for the better part of the last 20 years.3 months ago I decided that enough was enough and it's time to stop hiding and using it as an excuse.

I can't say that that last 3 months have been a complete success. I may have lost 14kg so far and my fitness levels are pretty good but I have cheated my through my lifestyle change and for the last 3 weeks have reverted back to a previous me. A me I don't particularly like.

Hopefully this blog will help me look at that, see what I have done wrong and what sets off those negative triggers. The last week has been especially painful as I had started to revert back to previously unhealthy mindsets of which I can't write down just yet as I am not ready to share. Today is the first time this week that I have truly smiled and believe it or not, it has been while I have been planning out my diet (lifestyle for those who object to the word diet) and exercise for the coming week.

Okay for those people who have an objection to the word diet, why? It is far easier to express than "lifestyle" and I for one do not read any negative connotations into the word. What I am truly doing is changing my lifestyle. I have made a conscious choice to get back into my kitchen and cook healthy foods - something which I had avoided for a long time. As a single person, I do not enjoy cooking for myself and had really stopped spending healthy time in the kitchen unless I was cooking for others. Going onto to "diet" has put me back in the kitchen and cooking most nights an fantastic array of healthy foods.

I started this journey with the Channel 10 1 Million Kilo Challenge. I found myself very surprised at this diet. I has an amazing array of foods - not all of which I enjoyed and will avoid - but for the better part loved the foods. Got me cooking and eating foods I have never had in my home before - salmon, eggplants, lentils, quinoa, barley to name a few. 

3 months later and I can say that I don't particularly enjoy most sugary and chocolate foods any more...and I have never been able to say this as these have been a staple food group of mine for the better part of 20 years or more.

As important as diet is to this journey, exercise is equally as important and I started this journey doing something I said I would never justify - by getting a personal trainer. I have him just one day a week but he has me doing weights, which I have learned in the doses I am doing, is as beneficial to the weight loss journey as cardio is. I also walk. And walk. And walk. To the point that if I go more than 1 day without walking I feel it within myself. Thank goodness I have found myself a great walking partner in the city and when I don't have her, I have some great music to walk to. I have also found myself a companion for bush walking which I have now down twice and have thoroughly enjoyed and plan on doing longer and more strenuous ones.

Overall, all I can say is DO IT. What do you have to lose? Aside from weight, obviously? The feeling is amazing and it's worth every little bit of effort...

 

This is me 3 months ago.

Will post a photo of me soon now...still a long way to go though.